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A Letter to My Donor

Dear Donor,

I imagined months before my transplant how I would feel afterwards.I spent hours throwing myself on my therapist’s couch processing all elements of my already spunky and complex personality and this huge life event that was on the horizon.

My hope was that I would be prepared for the day I would receive the now infamous phone call.

And then the call came….

As everyone around me cried, both tears of joy and relief, I retreated to a more emotionally nonchalant approach.

I knew that their tears of joy meant tears of unimaginable pain and grief for your loved ones.

That as my best friends begin to excitedly make plans for the months to come, your friends were processing a different type of plan.

That although my community could finally release the emotional drain of the silent conversations surrounding “What if?” and truly breathe a sigh of relief, not everyone impacted by their joy would experience the same type of enthusiasm.

Although we never met, I most definitely could not end the year without acknowledging you.

As families are preparing to gather to create new memories, celebrate milestones, and just enjoy being together, I’m carrying a certain level of sadness.

Sadness that your friends and family are likely feeling during this season.

Their tables now have an empty seat, their photos a painful gap, and their loud boisterous conversations have a quitter tone to them.

So, I’m pausing to make you a promise, which from one stranger to another is odd but it is a fraction of what you are owed.

I promise to treat my body with care, both physically and emotionally.

I promise to speak kindly to those needing a gentle touch and a loving word.

I promise to take time to truly rest and enjoy the beauty of all that surrounds me.

I promise to be live without fear (except spiders)!

I promise to walk with confidence and grace never looking down on others.

I promise to embrace the messiness of life, because there is beauty in the disruption of a carefully curated plan.

I promise to not be serious all of the time and to enjoy the beauty of simple.

I promise to celebrate every accomplishment regardless of size.

I promise to always be a voice for the voiceless, and a protector to those who need a shield.

I promise to chase my wildest dreams with unadulterated passion.

But ultimately, I promise to love without limits!

The gift that you gave to me is one that will also be given with every clumsy, awkward, hilarious, and loving moment that I share with my friends and family.

Thank you for treating your body with care and being selfless enough to give hope to others during your darkest hour.

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