No Apology, All Theology

This post is not the one that I dreamed of pushing publish on the past few days.

It’s not the original direction of my reflections from a trip to Colorado that took place over 5 years ago.

It’s definitely not the launchpad that I anticipated springing from with what I hoped this upcoming year would be.

Instead it’s an honest reflection about recovery and how Christ meets us in the ruins.

Working in the field of recovery is hard and at times down right sucks.

The push and pull of wills untethered to truth can be unnerving.

The stubbornness connected to deceit manipulated as ambivalent honesty is chilling.

The brokenness that occurred before purity could even possibly breathe is daunting.

Yet, what I found in a valley 5 years ago transformed everything about how I function today.

And in ways I did not know until mere hours ago, it prepared me for my greatest mission yet.

Being a fisher of men, searching for the 1 who left the fold waiting for their return.

It transformed my way of thinking regarding community and the beauty of friendship among women!

It showed me that healing is slow yet can be felt immediately when hope is ignited.

That vulnerabilitly is not a singular choice in causal conversation but a way of daily living.

That secrets, no matter how innocent, hold you captive.

(And the releasing of those hidden words is often met with a rushing wind of safety and freedom)

Learning to breathe again in the middle of your world upending is nothing short of a miracle from a loving God.

And doing so among unfamiliar people is divine intervention.

The Lord met me in the middle of one of the most painful experiences of my life.

A divorce, in the middle of a pandemic, with a life altering health diagnosis that was getting scarier and scarier by the day.

Isolation by circumstances both personally and globally shifted the way in which I look at those who are hurting.

The healing that the Lord did in my life during that uncertain season birthed in me a desire sit in the unnerving, daunting, and chilling moments of people’s lives.

My Savior who replaced the broken pieces of my heart with grace and delicacy desires to do it for you!

My Savior who showed grace and mercy for my words spoken out of anger and often times in spite has enough for you!

My Savior that healed my body and repaired my soul has healing for you!

So I’ve declared that this upcoming year is one of no apologies!

No apologies for my beliefs or bold convictions.

No apologies for my boundaries or intentional choices.

No apologies for the inconvenience that my “Yes & Amen” may cause.

No apologies for loudly proclaiming that my beliefs, my theology, and my relationship with Jesus Christ will always and forever take front seat.

Because what He has begun in me in a valley in Colorado has never been more clear than at 3:00am on my 38th birthday!