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Repurposed Me

Updated: Aug 22, 2023

For the past two years I've been searching for

something but not sure for what.

I poured myself into weekly sessions with my therapist to give words to my big feelings I had not been quite able to grab a hold of.

Back in October of 2022 I boarded a plane to Tulsa, Oklahoma on a dare.

I dared God to meet me in Tulsa (which in hindsight I don't know that I would recommend to anyone....)

As I was boarding the flight I took back my dare but God cared none of my take-bakes.

He transformed my life in such a manner that it has taken me this long to find the words to share my heart of transformation with others.

Nothing super spiritual or dynamic occurred like we often imagine God's transformation of us to look like.

In fact it was the complete opposite.

It was so subtle that it could only be described as a God movement in my life.

However, I found what I had been searching for.

I found a renewing of my purpose that I thought would be lost forever.

Often times when we go through hardships we allow them to become who we are.

We allow them to mark us in a way that they were not designed to mark us.

It was just a season, a battle, a hurdle, a hard earned lesson, a perspective, or a moment where faith is renewed.

Without realizing it I had allowed my journeys to transform me into someone who retreated to what I thought was safety but was actually hiding.

I had unintentionally hid myself from life, from the world, and from my purpose.

For the past weeks Ive begun to dig myself out of the hideaway I had built brick by painful brick.

I traded the lies for truth that can't be stolen.

I dug deep to find the roots of happiness and found peace in the grace that transformed me.

I walked the shores of healing and let the waters of forgiveness cleanse my soul.

I let tears purge the pain of the past to bring forth a gentleness for myself I never possessed before.

I've learned lessons that I wouldn't exchange for a lifetime of easy days.

I've found community that has acted as a fence to my retreats when comfort of old comes calling.

I've have found words of hope to speak to others who need to have someone in their corner.

I've learned the hard truth that nothing is never ever wasted. Even the hard moments and seasons.

I'm thankful for the past few years of unique experiences and challenges I wouldn't have asked for, and growth that felt like anything but newness being born.

Because it all allowed me to get to a version of me that I would not have otherwise gotten to become.

And for that I will always be thankful because this repurposed version of me is far greater than I could have ever asked to be.

I pray that wherever you are in life with exiting a season of challenge or breathing in newness and grace that you would know the truth nothing is ever wasted!

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