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Freedom In Death

I‘m sure like me, many of you, during this time of quarantine you have consumed large amounts of Netlflix shows, solved countless murders via true crime podcasts, and maybe even became a young hip version of Martha Stewart.

Don’t worry, when its time to vote in the next round of award season, I’m sure that you will be the first one on everyone’s list to cast your ballot.

In one of my more recent binges, one of the main characters made a statement that caught me off guard.

“Freedom only exist for the dead!”

That struck me as an odd thing to say, especially because the main character was someone who was looking for comfort in their life, not more despair.

Then, I realized how true that statement is. But, in a completely different way than the show was trying to convey.

When we die to our pride, we find freedom to live life again.

I for one have been guilty of burying moments of my life that I am shameful of, feel immense guilt over, or that I just wish I could blink away as if it never happened.

Whether it be a poorly worded argument, a relationship that I look back on thinking “What was I even thinking?”, or insert any of your own personal moments that would fit into this category.

The weight and the heaviness of avoiding people, deflecting during conversations, and even tucking ourselves away in a corner, is a burden that we should not have to bear.

You see, there truly is freedom in death, but not the type of death that takes us from this earth.

We were never meant to carry the shame, guilt or even embarrassment that we often shackle to ourselves.

I’ll never forget the moment that I truly surrendered and received freedom from a various assortment of guilt that I had been carrying around in my 20’s.

As usual I was tucked away in the corner of a church for Sunday service, listening to a sermon preached by a friend from college, that I felt this tugging on my heart to let it all go.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a middle aged woman start to approach me.

Now, being the introvert and skeptic that I am, I assumed (and probably more accurately hoped) she was headed towards anyone but me.

Boy, was I WRONG!!

She gently placed her hand on my back and whispered in my ear “You wont be free until you let it go. And you don’t have to tell the masses but you do have to say it out loud!”

Those gentle and soft words rocked me to my core. In a matter of seconds I went from a stoic, unnerved worshipper, to a puddle of tears at the altar of God.

I felt such a freedom in sharing with this complete stranger, things that up until that moment, had only graced the private pages of my journal.

I walked away from that service and never looked back, nor picked up the memories of those moments. They had been erased from the nagging part of my mind.

I was FREE!

Now, I recognize that we are in very strange times. Churches aren’t open and gatherings with friends with whom we trust ourselves to be vulnerable with, can only take place via video chat.

So let me offer you some gentle but true words if you find yourself in a situation like I was.

“You are more than the sum of the choices you have made.

You are beautiful, you are precious, you are amazing!

You my dear don’t have to live life in shame, fear or with the heaviness of the guilt

of painful moments.

You are loved regardless and always!

You will always have a seat at the table, because you belong and always have!”

I know it is hard to feel free when we are confined to our homes and missing out on human contact and interaction.

But, that does not mean that we have to continue to be held hostage in the prison of our own makings due to emotions or failures.

So, I encourage you let it go!

Call a friend, text someone close, or take it all the way to good old days and write a letter.

Because, once those words leave your mouth, minds, or even fingers, the locked doors will begin to open.

See you on the free side of the journey of life!!

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