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Never Apologize

Boundaries are a big deal to me. I love to tell people they can not pass this point in regards to having access to my life.

Something about having clearly defined lines brings me a certain level of harmony and peace.

Once I got married this was amplified. I made the decision that if I was going to get married, no one, and I mean no one, would come in to disrupt that commitment.

I approached this boundary with others very carefully. I was gentle, kind and intentional about expressing this to those who needed to know.

Everything was new and exciting. Mundane tasks became entertainment as I watched my spouse and learned the way in which he completed daily tasks.

The late night talks and spontaneous laughter that carried us into the middle of the night are the moments that I cherish as precious and sacred.

When my husband and I were dating and even engaged one of his friends would often say that we were “Uncomfortably Happy” and that we needed to tone it down.

To which we would always look at him, then to each other and laugh for hours on end.

In hindsight, I was probably too gentle in the expression of how important the boundaries for those outside of our marriage were.

One way or another our desire to enjoy each other and our newfound commitment was seen as rude and hurtful.

The outlandish expression of disappointment by some family and friends had the less than desired impact than they had hoped.

Instead of us running closer towards them the boundaries became stronger and stricter.

These loud naysayers had became public enemy number 1.

As much as we tried to shrug off the nasty comments and hurtful words-I would be lying if i said that it didn’t take a toll on each of us individually.

As a unit we maintained a strong commitment to each other and in some ways it became even stronger than before.

Relationships became strained and although most people would consider me a bulldog when it comes to confrontation, with this I retreated.

The frailty and gentleness that was formed in our marriage caused me to handle it as if it was fine piece of china.

Almost 4 years later I have adopted a new approach.

I try to take a couple of times a year to reflect on how to best stand up for not only myself but for the relationship that I hold nearest to my heart.

During quarantine as people are starting new commitments, taking required time for themselves please be gentle to yourself and others.

It is ok to put people at arms length with the intention of having a healthy and thriving marriage.

Never feel guilty for taking time for each other.

Don’t feel a burden to apologize for cancelling plans because you just need time to reconnect with each other.

Never apologize for unanswered texts or calls because you are having so much fun enjoying each other and this life changing journey.

You don’t have to adjust to the demands, expectations, or limits that others have placed on you and your marriage.

On the contrary, they are the ones that must adjust to have a front row seat to your life.

Continue to fight for your marriage, to enjoy the harmony and peace. Embrace the spontaneous and never ending laughter.

My prayer for you all is that during this time of quarantine you would be encouraged by the good times and embrace the “Uncontrollable Happiness” that each marriage deserves and needs.

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